Don’t look back!

terug kijkenSometimes you push things aside. Because it’s easier for you, with for yourself the excuse that they are less important at that time. Until you are again reminded at them. As today was the case when I received a message form Jasper (the ICT contact from the GIST contact group) if he could join my LinkedIn network.

When my dose Gleevec was increased from 400 mg to 800 mg, it was for me, because of the serious side effects, impossible to continue my business anymore. It meant the end of my company and with that also many business contacts. I was suddenly unemployed after more than 40 years continuous work. However you look at it, a huge downer. And thus, I could at that time not bring myself to update my personal information at LinkedIn (an online social network for professionals). And so I still regular get a request to join my network.

With Jasper that was for me, probably because he is also a GIST patient, apparently just the little push I needed to change my present reality there too. Not that I wanted to shut myself down from my professional world. My knowledge about the swimming pool world, safety and regulations is still such that I regularly are asked for advice by someone. But an update here didn’t hurt (for those interested, see: nl.linkedin.com/in/renestender).

While working at that, your thoughts go inevitably back to the past. How your future can change drastically from one day to the next. And how you personally deal with that.
A recent question from an other GIST patient made me realize that thereby I have been lucky. For he questioned whether anyone struggles with thinking you did something to cause this cancer?
At one hand I can imagine that he struggles with that. I can even see it for me. Sleepless nights, thinking about your past and what you’ve done, eaten, drunk, with what substances you may have been in contact. How do you get rid of such a question, when it has been planted in your brain?

On the other hand, it is of course of little use. The past is the past and you live now. And to start you can in any event be glad you’re still alive. Very easy to say, of course, maybe also because my oncologist immediately gave me a clear explanation. It was just coincidence. My DNA made a small mistake. Something that can happen to anyone and usually you notice little of it. But sometimes you do. And then you’ll get for example GIST. Coincidence. Bad luck. It can happen to you, but also to any one else.

What is clear for me, is that you however not can change the past anymore. And that there really remains only one thing. Look forward, not back. (Oh yes, and do not forget to take your medication …).

One comment on “Don’t look back!
  1. Randon says:

    You are so right about not being able to go back, so look forward and do the best you can with the time you have. I have sleepless nights too, not worrying about myself so much as my family.

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