Do you feel it?

AtmosfeerThere is a big difference in the atmosphere in the waiting area of the oncology department and for example the clinic. The latter is more or less comparable to the waiting room of the doctor. Only with more people. Who are all waiting patiently for their turn and generally only talk when necessary. Understandable. I think – at least what I can remember of the birth of Michael, because that has passed by a bit as a daze – that only in the waiting room of the maternity ward there is in general a positive tension. Where most people (including many family members) afterwards proud and broadly grinning leave the hospital.

In the waiting room of the oncology department the atmosphere feels different. You see both young and older people, but almost all of them walk around with a certain resignation. You know what disease you have and although the survival rate for certain types of cancer are increased, apparently everyone still experience it in the same way. In a certain sense resigned to the fate that this had to overcome you, but not passively. You feel everywhere the urge to survive, to fight. Among patients, but also the doctors and nursing staff.

It is really strange that I now feel and experience that. Marian has always been very sensitive to the atmosphere and energy radiating from other people, but I noticed only a little by myself. The negative or positive energy of others let me frankly unmoved. It could not measure it tactile or otherwise, so I failed to notice. Eventually you still have to find your own way. To give or receive help from or to family, colleagues or friends is of course an important part. And, depending on the extent, you anticipate at the positive or negative commitment you notice and take measures when necessary. But to determine whether someone radiate much or little positive energy? Come on, we’re no light bulbs.

But apparently cancer has changed me. I clearly notice it now, at least in the waiting room of the oncology department. Still not to the extent Marian experience it, but it’s there. Is it a shield that I unconsciously dropped? Or is it maybe that my body decided that an increased sensitivity is needed? No idea, but it’s another new experience for me.

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